This is sad.
Rewind:
About three years ago, I dropped a few pounds. I don't know the number. I know that after 3 months, I saw a difference. I must say that it was NOT on purpose. I was doing a show. I walked everyday to rehearsal and shows and sometimes walked home after. My schedule was so busy, I wasn't eating properly and I was consuming water like crazy. Again, I didn't consciously decide to do it. There I was looking in the mirror, and I was loving the image looking back at me.
Fast-forward to the present. I've since come to understand and accept that I am an emotional eater. When things are good, when things are bad, when I'm nervous, worried, anxious, overly excited...any emotion you can think of, I will eat...and eat....and eat!
To make matters worst, I ENJOY food! The taste of good food. Gourmet. Soul food. Diners. Fast Food. Desserts...my God!!! I like Sodas. I love kool-aid. I enjoy wine. And I drink socially. Calories. Calories. Calories!!!
What do I do? I am getting back to a place in my life, where I am happy and things are really looking good. I partially suffer from the fear of "The rug can be pulled from up under me at any moment" syndrome-but this is an excuse. I know. I need to find a balance in the meals I eat and exercise..etc. Also I don't like to exercise. Exercise, meaning going to the gym, running, blah blah blah...NO. You do too much to not see INSTANT results. Then comes the discouragement.
I must take control over this. I want to feel good about myself. Not that I don't feel good about myself now...but I want to feel better. I want my image on the outside to look and feel as great as I do on the inside...in my heart and in my spirit. I need the motivation. And I need the support along the way.
Help me. Somebody. Anybody.
**In no way do I want to be "skinny". However, I am 5'5 and 3/4. Based on the scale, I am 247.6lbs. (Many say I don't look it. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Do I feel like it? Eh!) I wear a size 38 (which really means 40-no need in hiding it like I tried to hide the fact that I'm basically 250lbs.). I do want to be fit. Healthy, Balanced.
I'm scared to lose 100lbs. I'm scared to even attempt. What if I succeed? I don' think I could look at that image in the mirror. I'm just being honest. While I'm being honest, 150lbs, is a bit ridiculous for me-FOR ME...it just is. Let me get to down to 200lbs first. Then I'll reevaluate. **
Thanks.
God is love. Love is family and friends.
Mel
Hey Mel i definitely know where you are coming from because i need some encouragement on my weight loss goal. You just need to get to a point where you say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and that will be the moment that food, drinks, or sugars wont tempt you any longer. Once you reach this point nothing will deter you from meeting that goal of self-satisfaction. You have to understand that no matter what you feel you have to know that cutting back on foods will help in this goal. As you stated you lost weight from not eating and only drinking water...start there. If you start for one month cutting out say...breads, or no kool-aid or something you think will be a good start to ween off of. But from there try to go two months then three and as your are doing this go to the gym and walk! WALK as if you life depended on it! All you did then was walk and now all you have to do is walk, just keep in mind that you are in control and it only works at your pace so if you dont succeed it is only because of you and if you progress and triumph then you know that it was you. So just be mindful of what you eat and know that through God you can conquer anything!
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Thank you Krystal! You are SO right. I need to find a starting point. I think part of my discouragement comes because I want to cut out ALL THINGS at once then wait for results. But if i start with..let's say...ONLY drinking Water. Completely flush my system...then go from there. It's a process. I see why ppl don't call it a diet. They call it a lifestyle change. I can only take it one day at a time.And yes...I'm the only one standing in my own way. When I'm fed up, enough will be enough. (kinda hard to admit that to yourself sometimes.) I'll keep ya posted on my progress. Today at work, I did go to the healthy part of the lunch menu. The food was..ok. Portion was so small. LORD KNOWS I WANTED MORE...but I didn't go for seconds....It's a start right?! Thanks for your feed back.
ReplyDeleteMuch much much love and respect!
Mel
Hey cuz. While I can't relate in terms of my weight b/c I'm a string bean, I do know what it feels like to want to be fit & healthy. When I tell ppl I'm out of shape, they look at me like I'm stupid but let's face the facts: being skinny doesn't make you "healthy". It just makes you skinny. I can barely run from my house to the corner without feeling like my lungs are going to collapse. I can eat a whole pack of oreos by myself. Same goes for a dozen Logan's rolls...& what's even worse is that diabetes runs deep in my father's family so establishing good eating habits can mean the difference in me developing the disease or not. I always tell myself, "I have time to get better" (while scarfing down double stuffed oreos and 2% milk) but I know it's just a matter of time before my horrible habits catch up to me weight-wise or health-wise. Do I exercise? Heck no. I was going hard for a while when in GA, & stopped completely not long after having Cam but I want to start up again. ASAP.
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