My Center-Uninterrupted!

It's been three weeks since my last post.  Lately, I haven't really had much to write about to be honest. I've been working {still loving the new gig}, relaxing, planning my next moves and finding my center. A few weeks ago, I had a conversation w/ my friend's boyfriend, Asa. It was great chatting with him! What started out as a routine "How are you?," ended up being an in depth, therapeutic  conversation about...ME! Sounds a bit cocky/conceited right? NO! I am NEVER one to talk about myself. But it damn sure felt good to be asked about MYSELF for once, opposed to being the one always doing the asking. For once, I was able to express myself, my goals, dreams and aspirations...uninterrupted, with someone genuinely interested. Thanks Asa!


After that conversation, I feel like my vision was a lot less blurred-because it was recognized by someone else. Validation. Oprah talked about it in her "Farewell" show. Validating someone. Simply recognizing/acknowledging someone or something that someone is doing. Was I searching for validation? No, obviously though, subconsciously I had longed for it. That conversation opened a new door for me. 


Finding my center was more than coming to a happy place within myself, but it was validating others around me and bringing them along to that happy place with me. Let me tell you-what a great feeling it is. It's a happiness and peace that only comes from within.


Try it...


...Well, yesterday was Christmas! {I'm writing this blog at 2am on 12/27 but I'm still in a 12/26 state of mind} Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I enjoyed my day very much! Fuchsia was along for the ride again. Spent time w/ JaNisa and got to see my bff Tara. Wine, food and more wine was how I spent my Christmas holiday. You really learn the true meaning of Christmas when you're 23! Ha! But seriously, it was definitely about the love and relaxing this season. Much fun. 


I think that about catches y'all up. I hope y'all take something from this and put it to good use. I'll check in with y'all in a few days! Thanks for reading.


Ps. I'm not a "taker". I didn't just "take" from that conversation w/ Asa. He, too, discussed a few things he had in the works and of course, existing in this networking society, there may be a few projects we'll collaborate on. Stay tuned...


God is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel

If You Ever, Ever Feel...

I witnessed today how small minded, judgmental and assumptive people are-and they were ADULTS. It is very sad. What hope do we have for our youth being a better generation, a more accepting, forgiving, non-judging group of people, when the very people raising them exemplify just the opposite?! The saddest part is, children, teenagers, are taking their own lives after having being bullied and no one is holding the parents of these children doing the bullying accountable. 


To witness an adult, of a particular age, behave in such a manner that negatively affects our society and how we interact and co-exist, is very troubling and extremely disheartening. I feel as though I witnessed firsthand today the type of parenting that is plaguing our younger generations and brainwashing them into believing that it is OK to bully, torment and bring down others. 


It is NOT. It is cruel. It is wrong.


I hold the parents of the bullies accountable. Somewhere down the line while raising your children, you have forgotten to instill in them: decency; simply being a decent person. Treating others how you would want to be treated. How could you NOT express that to your children?


It starts at home. 


To the parents of bullies and to the bullies themselves: To the people, the lives, you've affected, (...if they feel like I feel...) you can keep your "Sorry". Explain to the families of those who have lost a loved one AFTER having being bullied-explain to them why it is you felt obligated to bully someone else. Explain to them how you blatantly showed no regard for their  well being and/or emotional state. Now, say you're "Sorry"...


...


*I made this blog, not because of one thing in particular, but because of how it seems that generations are passing this ignorance down to generation after generation. As I get older and I see characteristics in people 20+ my senior, identical to actions that I saw in my peers some 14 years ago-it is disturbing. Bullying affects everyone. African Americans, Caucasians-every race, the LGBT community, short people, tall people, teenagers going through puberty, poor people, rich people, religious groups, political groups, cultures...IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. And it is NOT right. 


To everyone... #ItGetsBetter


Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Just Need Someone To Talk To: 1-804-943-3268 (Mel)


"God is love. Love is family and friends."

Mel

Size Me Up!

I really just want to get this off of my chest. 85% of the day, everyday, I am extremely self-conscious about my weight. That said, YES, I do think about my weight a lot. To everyone around me, it may or may not show, but yes, it stays present on my mind and sometimes it gets depressing to think about. I want to...NEED to do something about it, but I don't. I just continue to eat, NOT exercise, I overeat, I sleep right after meals...everything under the sun that packs on the pounds, I do it (x5).


This is sad.


Rewind: 

About three years ago, I dropped a few pounds. I don't know the number. I know that after 3 months, I saw a difference. I must say that it was NOT on purpose. I was doing a show. I walked everyday to rehearsal and shows and sometimes walked home after. My schedule was so busy, I wasn't eating properly and I was consuming water like crazy. Again, I didn't consciously decide to do it. There I was looking in the mirror, and I was loving the image looking back at me.

Fast-forward to the present. I've since come to understand and accept that I am an emotional eater. When things are good, when things are bad, when I'm nervous, worried, anxious, overly excited...any emotion you can think of, I will eat...and eat....and eat!  


To make matters worst, I ENJOY food! The taste of good food. Gourmet. Soul food. Diners. Fast Food. Desserts...my God!!! I like Sodas. I love kool-aid. I enjoy wine. And I drink socially. Calories. Calories. Calories!!!


What do I do? I am getting back to a place in my life, where I am happy and things are really looking good. I partially suffer from the fear of "The rug can be pulled from up under me at any moment" syndrome-but this is an excuse. I know. I need to find a balance in the meals I eat and exercise..etc. Also I don't like to exercise. Exercise, meaning going to the gym, running, blah blah blah...NO. You do too much to not see INSTANT results. Then comes the discouragement. 

I must take control over this. I want to feel good about myself. Not that I don't feel good about myself now...but I want to feel better. I want my image on the outside to look and feel as great as I do on the inside...in my heart and in my spirit. I need the motivation. And I need the support along the way. 

Help me. Somebody. Anybody.

**In no way do I want to be "skinny". However, I am 5'5 and 3/4. Based on the scale, I am 247.6lbs. (Many say I don't look it. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Do I feel like it? Eh!) I wear a size 38 (which really means 40-no need in hiding it like I tried to hide the fact that I'm basically 250lbs.). I do want to be fit. Healthy, Balanced. 

I'm scared to lose 100lbs. I'm scared to even attempt. What if I succeed? I don' think I could look at that image in the mirror. I'm just being honest. While I'm being honest, 150lbs, is a bit ridiculous for me-FOR ME...it just is. Let me get to down to 200lbs first. Then I'll reevaluate. **

Thanks.

God is love. Love is family and friends.

Mel