I guess...well I know this whole life thing is to be happy, fall in love, reproduce (...OR ADOPT...), raise a family, instill morals and values unto them...be happy, grow old and leave a legacy. Well...about that falling in love shit...ummmmmm! Let's talk. (PS. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I'M EVEN GIVING THIS LITTLE INSERT, BUT AS YOU KNOW MY FRIENDS RANGE ON A BROAD SPECTRUM...AND THEY LOVE WHO THEY LOVE-NO JUDGEMENT ZONE HERE. SO IF YOU JUDGING, THANKS FOR READING THUS FAR BUT THE EXIT BUTTON IS IN YOUR TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER. PEACE)
So over the past few months, I have watched a friend fall for a guy, that I personally wasn't a "fan" of...thought he could do better than. Until recently, things seemed be going well. Needless to say, the motherf!@#$% started showing his ass! Now my friend, who is probably having a breakdown before our eyes, is all types of filled w/ mixed emotions. Still wants him, but won't put up with the disrespect and subliminals via social media sites. The guy, the love interest, obviously has a lot, and I DO MEAN A LOT of growing up to do. Very much still a dreamer and at the end of the day, isn't ready for commitment.
Second scenario. I have a friend that swears he's unattractive (in all honesty....LOL..naw jk, he's a decent looking kid) but he has an odd approach to females. Again he's decent looking, cool type of person but he doesn't attract the "right" type of girls. THEN, when he's approached by the "perfect" girl, he "fakes" on her because of others looking on. WTF right?! Yeah, he said the same thing as he explained the situation. Keep in mind, in my opinion, he kind of has a high standard for the type of female he is willing to spend time getting to know. Contrary to guy in the first scenario, who, in my opinion, has a very moderate standard and is willing to work with someone he sees potential in. Now, unlike friend from the first scenario, friend is second scenario is very much materialistic and is honest about it! I believe friend in first scenario wants a thug...when he deserves an equal. (NOT SAYING THUGS ARE LESS THAN, I DID NOT SAY THAT...)
So what do I have to say? Keeping with my "non judgment mantra"... LOL...
Before I continue, let me say that I do not want a relationship right now...especially a committed one! Meaning, someone to kick it with - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SEX, I've been without that for a looong time too, so NO, it's not about the sex...just the company - SURE...but the titles and labels, obligations, emotions, time, energy, money, EVERYTHING that comes along with being in a relationship of that magnitude..HELL NO! I am 23, I'll be 24 in a few days (March 28th) and I have things to do. I can't have anyone tagging along, holding me down or back...sorry.. None of that. I need to be able to GO. No questions asked. No answers needed. AND I feel as though a lot of guys and girls around my age don't need that either. Am I judging? NO. All I'm saying is be able to define yourself and have something to offer before feeling the need to "need"....or want a relationship. AND if you decide that you do want a relationship...OK, or NEED one, know the difference between a relationship and fuck buddy; be able to recognize your self worth. Be able to be honest and say, "I want a committed relationship" and comprehend exactly what that entails. It's hard work! I know that now..if I'd known that 10 yrs ago, I'd still be in THAT relationship. But it takes time before that epiphany happens.
So as far my final thoughts on friends 1 and 2...
For friend number 1, who's talented above and beyond, an artist much like myself, focus on your artistry. You ain't taking him anywhere he wants to be, so leave him where you found him. Besides...the disrespect is more than any of your friends can handle, and we're liable to....Anyways, you love hard I see and IF that is meant to be, it isn't right now. If it is in the cards, then it will happen. In the meantime, write, and open yourself up to someone who you don't have to work so hard for...you DESERVE it.
Friend number 2, ............... Stop cutting yourself short of the type of females you're willing to give the time of day to. You may find her somewhere in the pile of "basic" females you've ruled out. Piece of advice. The girl you're meant for will not care about Louis Vuitton, Hermes, or Christian Louboutin...well.......they would come third behind family and you. You feel me? Short, tall, chubby, skinny... you've got to have a balance somewhere. You're uber tall and skinny...and you look 11 years old. You're not quite the guy, EVERY WOMAN is looking for either..just putting it out there! HOWEVER, you're still young and you have T I M E! Focus on what you do...basketball...fashion...just continue working on building your character, finding what it is that you want besides a pretty face...and then...be sure have to something you've earned to offer.
I fell out of love some time in 2008. (I know..it took some time right? I mean, we did break up in April 2007...) but what I learned during and after that relationship is.. you have to know yourself, you have to be open enough and honest with yourself to have balance, patience, your own identity, and something to offer. Love hard...and fast...In my world, there is no other way to fall....but also I learned that more than anything, I was too young to settle down. Not talking marriage, just a relationship in general. After that relationship and the energy used during it, good and bad, I could have put that into something more fulfilling than a relationship at this stage in my life when I'm still growing. Ya feel me? Maybe you don't. Again, I'm not saying that this is for everyone, but it's been working for me...although....I do get horny for time to time...HAHAHAHAHA!
Thank you for reading!
PS. Any typos, I am not correcting right now. I'm slightly tired, I'll edit sometime later!
God is love. Love is family + friends.
Mel
I'm not going to put a sappy comment of how great this blog was (omfg this was wat I needed to read tonight) so ima keep my comment simple (comment below):
ReplyDeleteThank you