Once Upon a Friendship...

Friend or Foe...or... it's all becoming a little blurry on who's who these days. Foes are disguised as friends. Friends are indeed foes. You almost feel completely comfortable with strangers and associates. Funny right? How do you define a friend? I used to believe a friend was someone I shared things in common with, an unspoken trust and sworn secrecy, love and respect beyond measure and a bond unbreakable. Lately, and by lately I mean within the past year, I cannot seem to find that to be true...well, at least not all the time...with every "friend".


Allow me to start off saying that when I  call you my friend, I have every intention of this being a lifelong commitment. Friendships are one of the best natural events that take place as a result of simply being born and I take them very seriously and never for granted. While I do value friendships with such high regard, I do know that life happens and yes there are some deal breakers...but even deal breakers deserve an explanation...or at least some sort of conclusion...


I wish I could name everyone I have ever called a "friend". But I can't. That's my fault for using that word so loosely. It has gotten better as I have gotten older. Now the problem is the "friends" have gotten PhD's in Disguising. Foe...or...?... I don't know. And I'm left not knowing because the opposite of "friend" doesn't necessarily mean "foe"...it could mean.......I don't know, but if I had a word for it, that's what it would be. 


I won't say that I'm always the best friend a person could have, but I try my best. I'm far from perfect and I mess up sometimes. I do find truth and comfort in knowing that I am loyal, dependable, a great listener and when I dedicate myself to a friendship, or call someone a friend, I mean it. Through thick and thin. To hell and back again. For the lowest of the lows to the highest of the highs, my intentions are good and my heart is pure and I will always stay true to that friend...and the relationship. But I don't always find that in return. 


This year alone two of my "friendships" have ended. Different reasons-and I won't go into detail about either- but at the end of the day I am forced to look at the common denominator, me. What could I have said/done differently? Maybe if I would've...Maybe I could've...I guess I should've... Well, if I think like that, I probably wouldn't be true to who I am...or what I believe in and what I stand for... *Follow me because, I don't want anyone to think that I'm being hypocritical or "above anyone or any situation" about me going against my "what if's" because as stated before, I'm not perfect, so I do realize I have faults and I can admit to them but the reason why I say I wouldn't be true to who I am is because...


...whatever it was that I said or did...especially in that moment, whether an argument or disagreement, whatever...I meant it. How the friend was affected by it and could we have talked about it/gotten through it? Well...initially both situations were never discussed. Which is where my dilemma comes in. Since when aren't "friends" able to talk out their issues? Granted, one of those situations has since been discussed and we both agreed it was best we kept moving in separate directions (which I can respect and intend to remain cordial if/when ever face to face again). But an abrupt end to a friendship leaves me uneasy. A lot of unanswered questions and really I reflect on how true the "friendship" was. I'm now kinda left to draw my own conclusions and make peace within myself and move on...and when I move on...that is exactly what I do. 


So now I'm here...fresh off the second of the two "friendships" ending. Making peace with myself and the situation for what it is. And moving on. It's unfortunate because I pride myself on having the best friends...and in reality, I know I do have the best friends...because they're still around. I don't know, maybe I have too much faith in friends, too high of standards and expectations... (although, I don't think I ask for much--NOR do I expect anything more from a friend than I am willing to give). To be straightforward, I just hate losing friends. Especially  when I've invested so much of myself into it. But I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. 


Just as loyal as I am to a friendship, I behave the exact same in regard to moving past a situation. I would never speak negative or shed light on the past. I have no future comments or opinions on them-their name or likeness-not my style. It is a chapter that has ended and for everything it was worth, I got something useful from it. 


God is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! 24 years ago today @ 9:24am, I, Melvin Montá Lassiter was born! What can I say? Is 24 years suppose to feel like a lifetime? It doesn't. I still feel like I did 5-6-10 years ago...well sort of. I fell down the other day and let me tell you....yeah....you can just imagine! Lol! 


Blessed! That is how I sum up life, from Monday, March 28, 1988 up until now, Wednesday, March 28, 2012. Of course, like anyone, I could sit and point out my hits and misses and should've, could've, would've thus far...but hell, there are plenty more hits and misses to come so I might as well wait right?!


I've am blessed to have family and friends whom I love so much. They've made 24 years interesting. Not too easy...I've been able to make mistakes and learn and grow from them. They've allowed me to become a man and independent and I am grateful for that because here I stand at 24; I have a job, my own apartment, a car (although that b!@#$ is taking me through...LOL...) and I just feel as though I've been able to gradually embrace and mature into adulthood. I have the best foundation a man could ask for.


...I have the best family..my mom, I absolutely adore her. She's the epitome of strength. Loyalty. Love. Friendship. Life pretty much. A great deal of why I am who I am today. My sisters...even my dad...although we're not extremely close, I see so much of him in myself the older I get. I think I really strike the balance between my parents. Lol.. My grandparents...everyone...through it all...thank you for the love and support. All my aunts, cousins, great aunts and cousins..etc...Thanks!


My friends that have been here for the past nearly 2o yrs(that's crazy) and in-between, y'all are my everything, and I appreciate growing and learning with you all!


So today, at this point in my life, I am happy. I am well with my character. I try to make the wisest decisions. I try not to judge others, and if I do, it comes from the best place..because I don't believe in judging other's mishaps, mistakes and choices-especially because I don't want people judging me.  I know myself a little better. I know what I like and don't like. There are some things that I have zero tolerance for...and that is okay. I do know that the older you get, the less you apologize for the things you stand for! Which brings me to my birthday wish...


My birthday wish is for people to be more accepting of others. Whether that be, beliefs, lifestyles, careers, backgrounds, social classes...anything that would separate you from the next person, and cause you to judge or belittle them...FIND that medium. Find the common denominator that connects you to that person-1. the fact that you're a human being 2. that they have feelings just like you 3. understanding that you're a few decisions away from being THAT person- ...just learn to respect one another. That zero tolerance I spoke of...disrespect...oh man....(...I'll save that for a later post..)


...I speak like I've been here before right?...yeah I get told that a lot. "Old soul" is what they call it. Well..it is still the beginning of the year. So many possibilities and opportunities ahead. I'm optimistic... and quite spontaneous. I think that is the recipe that has gotten me this far. Can't wait to see what lies ahead... It's my birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!


God is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel 

Relationships...Or Whatever U Call It

Hi guys and gals! Look! If your friends are as interesting as mine are, then you can relate. Also might I add before anyone wants to check the credibility, I am single. I have been single since April 2007..yes, that is almost 5 years. So what do I know? Probably not much. But I did grow up fast. I've grown a lot in five years. I was falling in love...hard, before many of y'all had discovered that there was a bird and a bee. So, I'm just speaking from 1. personal experience. 2. being the outsider looking in to some of my friend's decisions...


I guess...well I know this whole life thing is to be happy, fall in love, reproduce (...OR ADOPT...), raise a family, instill morals and values unto them...be happy, grow old and leave a legacy. Well...about that falling in love shit...ummmmmm! Let's talk. (PS. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I'M EVEN GIVING THIS LITTLE INSERT, BUT AS YOU KNOW MY FRIENDS RANGE ON A BROAD SPECTRUM...AND THEY LOVE WHO THEY LOVE-NO JUDGEMENT ZONE HERE. SO IF YOU JUDGING, THANKS FOR READING THUS FAR BUT THE EXIT BUTTON IS IN YOUR TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER. PEACE) 


So over the past few months, I have watched a friend fall for a guy, that I personally wasn't a "fan" of...thought he could do better than. Until recently, things seemed be going well. Needless to say, the motherf!@#$% started showing his ass! Now my friend, who is probably having a breakdown before our eyes, is all types of filled w/ mixed emotions. Still wants him, but won't put up with the disrespect and subliminals via social media sites. The guy, the love interest, obviously has a lot, and I DO MEAN A LOT of growing up to do. Very much still a dreamer and at the end of the day, isn't ready for commitment.


Second scenario. I have a friend that swears he's unattractive (in all honesty....LOL..naw jk, he's a decent looking kid) but he has an odd approach to females. Again he's decent looking, cool type of person but he doesn't attract the "right" type of girls. THEN, when he's approached by the "perfect" girl, he "fakes" on her because of others looking on. WTF right?! Yeah, he said the same thing as he explained the situation. Keep in mind, in my opinion, he kind of has a high standard for the type of female he is willing to spend time getting to know. Contrary to guy in the first scenario, who, in my opinion, has a very moderate standard and is willing to work with someone he sees potential in. Now, unlike friend from the first scenario, friend is second scenario is very much materialistic and is honest about it! I believe friend in first scenario wants a thug...when he deserves an equal. (NOT SAYING THUGS ARE LESS THAN, I DID NOT SAY THAT...)


So what do I have to say? Keeping with my "non judgment mantra"... LOL...


Before I continue, let me say that I do not want a relationship right now...especially a committed one! Meaning, someone to kick it with - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SEX, I've been without that for a looong time too, so NO, it's not about the sex...just the company - SURE...but the titles and labels, obligations, emotions, time, energy, money, EVERYTHING that comes along with being in a relationship of that magnitude..HELL NO! I am 23, I'll be 24 in a few days (March 28th) and I have things to do. I can't have anyone tagging along, holding me down or back...sorry.. None of that. I need to be able to GO. No questions asked. No answers needed. AND I feel as though a lot of guys and girls around my age don't need that either. Am I judging? NO. All I'm saying is be able to define yourself and have something to offer before feeling the need to "need"....or want a relationship. AND if you decide that you do want a relationship...OK, or NEED one, know the difference between a relationship and fuck buddy; be able to recognize your self worth. Be able to be honest and say, "I want a committed relationship" and comprehend exactly what that entails. It's hard work! I know that now..if I'd known that 10 yrs ago, I'd still be in THAT relationship. But it takes time before that epiphany happens.


So as far my final thoughts on friends 1 and 2...


For friend number 1, who's talented above and beyond, an artist much like myself, focus on your artistry. You ain't taking him anywhere he wants to be, so leave him where you found him. Besides...the disrespect is more than any of your friends can handle, and we're liable to....Anyways, you love hard I see and IF that is meant to be, it isn't right now. If it is in the cards, then it will happen. In the meantime, write, and open yourself up to someone who you don't have to work so hard for...you DESERVE it.


Friend number 2, ............... Stop cutting yourself short of the type of females you're willing to give the time of day to. You may find her somewhere in the pile of "basic" females you've ruled out. Piece of advice. The girl you're meant for will not care about Louis Vuitton, Hermes, or Christian Louboutin...well.......they would come third behind family and you. You feel me? Short, tall, chubby, skinny... you've got to have a balance somewhere. You're uber tall and skinny...and you look 11 years old. You're not quite the guy, EVERY WOMAN is looking for either..just putting it out there! HOWEVER, you're still young and you have T I M E! Focus on what you do...basketball...fashion...just continue working on building your character, finding what it is that you want besides a pretty face...and then...be sure have to something you've earned to offer.


I fell out of love some time in 2008. (I know..it took some time right? I mean, we did break up in April 2007...) but what I learned during and after that relationship is.. you have to know yourself, you have to be open enough and honest with yourself to have balance, patience, your own identity, and something to offer. Love hard...and fast...In my world, there is no other way to fall....but also I learned that more than anything, I was too young to settle down. Not talking marriage, just a relationship in general. After that relationship and the energy used during it, good and bad, I could have put that into something more fulfilling than a relationship at this stage in my life when I'm still growing. Ya feel me? Maybe you don't. Again, I'm not saying that this is for everyone, but it's been working for me...although....I do get horny for time to time...HAHAHAHAHA!


Thank you for reading!


PS. Any typos, I am not correcting right now. I'm slightly tired, I'll edit sometime later!


God is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel

Happy Valentine's Day

Oh you guys, It has been a while since my last post!!! I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for the feedback and love that I've gotten in response to this blog...Thanks, really...THANK YOU so much!


A few things have happened since my last post...Order of importance... 


Sadly, on January 18, 2012, I received news that my cousin Damon had suddenly passed away. Such a shock to my family. A "gentle giant" he indeed was. His charisma, his chuckle/laugh when he spoke...he will be missed. RIP Damon.
Being home for the services, I started to think. We always wish we were meeting up under different circumstances, yet, when the circumstances are more favorable, we have every excuse in the world, "I'm too busy," "I'm too tired," etc. Okay, so yes, there are genuine and legitimate reasons for absences....let's just say I took a long hard look at my itinerary. You have to MAKE the time. That's all it really comes down to. Thanks Damon.

Returning home, to my routine was quite shocking...in a good way. I was literally, returning H O M E-to MY apartment that I had just moved into the day before my cousin passed away. Let me tell you, turning that key and walking into my place was very liberating. It was a reassurance from God- I was doing SOMETHING right. Even now, as I write this blog, I look at how everything is slowly coming together. The bathroom set, the kitchen set, certain living room pieces I have my eyes on...I'm blessed. Thank you God.

That's where I am currently. I still love my job. I have friends there. My friends that I already had are still strong. My family is great. They're getting stronger and stronger. I had a chance to talk for a few hours with my oldest sister when I was home in January. I needed it. The love. The bond. The laughter. Life is pretty good...NOT perfect, but damn good. *smile*

In honor and in celebrating the life, the legacy and the music of Whitney Houston, I send love to everyone. To those for me, and against me. To those who have come and gone and are yet to come...and yet to go. I send love to y'all because, it is because of every single one of you that I am who I am..in so many ways. Through every encounter whether brief or long, I was able to take something away to better myself-to live the best life that I can live. And since I'm currently living this life, SINGLE....

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, I NEED A VALENTINE, SO I INVITE YOU ALL TO BE MY VALENTINE!!! XOXOXO

In memory of...
Damon D. Drewrey
5.5.73 - 1.18.12


Whitney Houston
8.9.63 - 2.11.12


OH BEFORE I FORGET, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY COUSIN BRITTANY'S BLOG --> Me As I See <-- I ABSOLUTELY F**KIN LOVE IT!


God(please forgive the f-bomb above) is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel

Happy 2012!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!


It's 2012!!! Welcome to the New Year everyone! This holiday season was what it was suppose to be. What does that mean? It means that I have no complaints. Christmas was spent w/ family and friends. New Year's Eve was spent w/ friends. New Year's Day, I had to work...and as expected, New Year's Night, was spent sleeping and resting! Simple yet ideal. What more could a guy ask for?


My spirit is full of joy. My health is cool, I'm a bit overweight, but I'm working on that. I'm happy. I'm in a very good space.  I have great friends. Great family. I have a great job. I've discovered again what makes me happy...


I'm getting back to my music, songwriting. I wrote my first song when I was eight years old. I've written countless songs over the past 15 years -I cannot wait to dive head first into my music again this year. New adventures w/ Myles Spencer, Kellita Wooten and more!!! So exciting!!! I cannot wait. I cannot give too much away, but a lot of great things happening in 2012!


As I think back on last year, it was not a bad year. I graduated from college. I did not move back home. New friends came along. I really do not think I lost any friends...well....there was that one...but that's where? ALL THE WAYYY BACK THERE! The second half of the year, brought me to 106 & Park to meet Kimora. This blog (which is one of the most proudest creations of mine). A new job. Ups and (a few) downs and here I stand. That's a testimony to myself. Realizing what I'm able to achieve when I put my mind to it.


With that said, my new year's resolutions are as follows:
1. To keep my happiness.
2. Secure an apartment.
3. Keep my job.
4. Explore my songwriting (jazz, rnb, rock, country etc...)
5. Continue building my brand.
6. Exploring new avenues.
7. BEING THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE.  


My advice for my readers and the general public for this new year...Be unafraid to be YOU! Stop chasing your dreams and grab them! Make your dreams your reality. Stop living YOUR life through people you see on television. Make the life you live as fabulous, fun-filled and fulfilled as possible by what you have and what you are able to achieve. Put yourself first. Find your center. Secure your happiness. Then do good unto others. It comes back! That's the good life.


Love all y'all for the support! Be blessed this new year!


Ps. I've said it before, I love talking to people. If ever you're not feeling at your best-in need of a little "pick me up," pick up your phone and call me. If nothing more, I'm an ear to listen.  


God is love. Love is family + friends.

Mel